


Unsympathetic Thomas Sanders

by Fangirlwriting



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Gen, I Blame the Discord Server For This One, I Don't Even Know, Murder, Unsympathetic Thomas Sanders, enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlwriting/pseuds/Fangirlwriting
Summary: Virgil and Remus are discussing some of the things that the fandom writes about.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 21
Kudos: 41





	Unsympathetic Thomas Sanders

**Author's Note:**

> I was talking about Unsympathetic Thomas in a discord server this morning, and how much I disliked it, and somehow throughout that conversation the decision was reached that Unsympathetic Thomas would make really funny crack. So I present the very first attempt at crack I've ever made. Hope you enjoy.

Virgil didn’t usually make a habit of hanging out with Remus, but after their Just Dance marathon during the most recent video, he was reconsidering his position on that. Honestly, he’d forgotten how _fun_ Remus could be. That was probably more his own fault than anything, he’d been so terrified about what the others, and more specifically Remus, being able to talk to Thomas would mean, that he hadn’t given any thought to how much he’d used to enjoy spending time with them.

He’d decided to give it another try with Remus not long after that video, which is why he was currently laying on Remus’ floor (it was better than the bed, which had too much who-the-hell-knows-what on it) while Remus was on his bed, reading something on his phone.

Virgil was scrolling through his music and trying to decide what to listen to, when Remus started giggling, which could only mean good things.

“What are you doing?” he asked, dreading the answer as he turned to face Remus.

“I’m reading fanfiction.”

“I’m definitely going to regret asking this, but about what?”

“Thomas torturing Janny.”

Virgil blinked, convinced for a second that he must have heard that wrong. “Uh… what?”

“What, you don’t read fanfiction for Sanders Sides? You should, most of it is horribly sad, and I very much approve, although I would definitely have some notes—”

“Why would you want to read a fanfiction about Thomas torturing Janus?”

“Are you kidding, Unsympathetic Thomas is the absolute best!”

“Unsympa-what?”

“Here, here, look at it!” Remus hopped off the bed and held out the phone to Virgil.

“I don’t want to read it!”

“Why not, I thought you hated Janny!”

“Strangely enough, that doesn’t mean I want to read about horribly out of character versions of Thomas deciding to torture him. Why would you want to read unsympathetic Thomas anyway? Wait, that doesn’t even make any sense. Wouldn’t that just make all of us unsympathetic too?”

“I mean, unless it’s some kind of alternate universe or something, but seriously Virgin, you’re looking at this all wrong.”

Virgil blinked at Remus for a couple seconds. “How should I be looking at it?”

“Here, I’ll show you some of what I’ve written!”

“You _wrote_ some?”

“Of course I did! Hang on!”

Remus ran over to his desk and pulled out a notebook that he shoved into Virgil’s hands. “Read it!”

“I really don’t want to—”

_“Read it!”_

“Okay, guess I’m reading it.”

…

That One Time Thomas Decided to Murder An Entire Family

By Remus Sanders

Logan would admit that this was not what he expected to find when he was summoned by Thomas. When Thomas had asked him for the best way to kidnap a family, he’d assumed it would be used in a story of some kind, but in front of the two of them now were four people, bound and gagged, two of them kids, and all of them were crying.

“Thomas,” Logan said, aghast. “What on earth are you doing?”

“I’ve decided to try listening to you more, Logan,” Thomas said, smiling casually as if this was a perfectly normal situation. “Your advice on kidnapping was so helpful, I was wondering if you had any advice on murder?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Logan asked. He clearly must have misheard something. “Why would you need advice on murder?”

“I’m going to try murdering this family of four. I got them back here without anyone seeing, but I need to know the best way to kill them without leaving any evidence. You’re my logical side, this seems like a logistical problem. Should you not be called for this kind of thing?”

Logan gaped at Thomas. “Why in the world would you want to murder an entire family?”

“I’ve decided to be unsympathetic today,” Thomas said with a bright smile. “I’m enjoying it way more than I thought I would.”

“Unsympathetic?” Logan asked in bafflement. “What on Earth are you talking about? Does Patton know about this?”

“No, I decided to do this without consulting him.”

“That— that’s impossible, he’s your Morality. He would have strong objections to this—”

“I know, that’s why I decided to come to this decision without him. Now what would be the best way to murder someone without getting caught?”

Logan stared at Thomas for another second, still trying to understand what was happening. He, unsurprisingly, got nowhere.

He must have waited too long, because Thomas sighed in irritation. “Logan, I’m trying to make an effort to listen to you more, but if you don’t have any ideas I’ll have to ask someone else.”

“I— I don’t understand what’s happening right now.” Logan thought for a minute about what the best choice to make in this situation was. Thomas clearly wasn’t going to listen to Patton, maybe a different side would work better.

“Janus?” Logan called.

“Well, look who’s finally decided to start listening to reason and call—” Janus cut himself off abruptly when he saw what was happening. “I’m sorry, what exactly is going on here?”

“I’m trying to figure out the best way to murder this family,” Thomas said. “You know, without getting caught. Logan is refusing to cooperate with me, so I was wondering if you had any ideas?”

Janus turned a baffled look to Logan, who shrugged, still baffled himself.

“Okay. Well.” Janus pressed his hands together. “Thomas, I’m not so sure this would be the smartest course of action.”

Thomas sighed in exasperation. “Geez, what does a guy have to do to get the aspects of his personality to agree to help him murder some people? I thought you were the one who said murder is okay!”

“That is very much _not_ what I said.”

“Oh, so it is what you said?” Thomas said, raising a teasing eyebrow.

“I don’t think this is the best time for jokes.”

“Why not? I think it’s the perfect time for jokes. It’s not my fault you two are so opposed to the idea of murder all of a sudden.”

“All of a sudden?” Logan asked.

“Ugh, fine, you’re no help. Virgil!”

Virgil yelped in surprise as he appeared over on the steps. “Hey, I was— what the fuck is going on?”

“Thomas is attempting to murder an entire family,” Janus said, clearly still in disbelief.

“Uh-huh. What’s actually happening?”

“No no, he’s right,” Thomas said casually. “I’m just wondering what things I would need to worry about in order to not get caught?”

Virgil proceeded to stare at Thomas like he’d grown a second head, which must have been getting to Thomas somehow, if three of his sides had all reacted the exact same way.

But apparently, Thomas had decided to really stick to this course of action, because he just continued to look at Virgil like he was expecting an answer.

Virgil turned his gaze to Logan, as if he would have the answers to this situation.

“Who told him to murder a family?” Virgil asked, and then turned a more accusing look back on Janus.

“You think this was _my_ fault?”

“Well who else could it be?”

The three sides in the room exchanged another glance before all of them called “Remus!” at the same time.

“Nope didn’t tell him to murder anyone this time,” Remus said as he was rising up. “But I absolutely approve. Who even cares about being careful, let’s get caught by the cops!”

Thomas sighed. “This is why I don’t listen to him,” he muttered.

_“This_ is the reason?” Virgil asked in astonishment.

“Well, if it wasn’t him, it must have been Roman then,” Janus said.

“As if! Why the hell would Roman tell Thomas to _murder_ anyone?” Virgil snapped.

“I did what now?” Roman asked, rising up next to Remus.

“No one did anything,” Logan said. “I truly have no idea what is happening, but I don’t think this is any of our faults.”

“How do you still have no idea what’s going on?” Thomas asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m trying to murder this family. That’s been repeated several times now.”

“What?” Roman exclaimed. “Why in the world would you— Thomas, that behavior is only befitting a villain!”

“I know. I’ve decided to be unsympathetic today.”

“He’s decided to—” Roman turned to look around the room, clearly trying to gage what was happening just like the rest of them. “Has anyone informed Patton of this?”

“Well, it’s not like things could get any worse,” Janus muttered. “Patton!”

“Hey, kiddo!” Patton called as he rose up. “How’s it— _what in the world is happening?”_

“We’ve all been trying to figure that out,” Logan said. “Thomas has apparently decided to murder a family.”

“Thomas has _what?_ Thomas, have you lost your mind?”

“No, you’re all right here,” Thomas said brightly. No one said anything in response, and he sighed. “Man, even Patton isn’t appreciating a pun anymore? What is with you all bringing the mood down today?”

“You’re attempting to murder a family!” Virgil cried. “What do you think we’re going to do?”

“Well, you’re supposed to be the aspects of _my_ personality. I can’t even get a little support from myself anymore?”

“Not when you’re trying to murder someone!” Patton exclaimed. “Thomas, what are you thinking?”

Thomas sighed. “Well, none of you are any help,” he said, crossing his arms. “Fine, I’ll figure this out on my own. He turned around to face the family, who had been doing something of a mixture of crying and staring this whole time. “Do you all have any objections to being thrown off a bridge? I think the safest option here would be to make it look like suicide.”

…

Virgil set the notebook down and looked up at Remus. “Okay,” he said. “That was hilarious.”

_“Right?_ I’m not quite sure if that one’s done yet, I might add the actual murder scene.”

“Honestly, you _should._ That was awesome. Just don’t show it to Patton.”

Remus snickered. “Obviously. You want to help me write the rest of it?”

“Oh, hell yeah.”

Remus brightened and set the notebook on the ground between them, and they both started looking over it, tossing ideas back and forth. They’d be there for a while yet.


End file.
